Guess who wrote this

My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others! My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, with the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter it; and were it, I'd not do so.

This manner of thinking you find fault with is my sole consolation in life. It alleviates all my sufferings in prison, it comprises all my pleasures in the world outside, it is dearer to me than life itself. Not my manner of thinking, but the manner of thinking of others has been the source of my unhappiness.

The reasoning man who scorns the prejudices of simpletons necessarily becomes the enemy of simpletons; he must expect as much, and laugh at the inevitable. A traveler journeys along a fine road. It has been strewn with traps. He falls into one. Do you say it is the traveler's fault, or that of the scoundrel who lays the traps? If then, as you tell me, they are willing to restore my liberty if I am willing to pay for it by the sacrifice of my principles or my tastes, we may bid one another an eternal adieu, for rather than part with those, I would sacrifice a thousand lives and a thousand liberties, if I had them.

These principles and these tastes, I am their fanatic adherent; and fanaticism in me is the product of the persecutions I have endured from my tyrants. The longer they continue their vexations, the deeper they root my principles in my heart, and I openly declare that no one need ever talk to me of liberty if it is offered to me only in return for their destruction.

Saving Grace

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

Sappy song, I know, I also know that I don’t know.  I don’t seem to know anything anymore, I just hope a lot.

I also like Tom Petty’s new song, “Saving Grace”

“And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway, don’t you baby?
You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace…”

And yes, the guitar riffs on the song have the sound of George Thorogood & The Destroyers, but the lyrics are pure Tom Petty; he’s all about searching, finding, and finding its wrong and searching some more.  OK, enough of my music review.

Most people would give their eye-teeth (whatever those are), or their right arm, for a chance to start over.  A financially subsidized chance to start over.  So why the hell am I crying, and fighting this?  Because it smacks of failure.

One of the more memorable things that my ex-husband said to me, when I was having a conniption over his unemployment, was “Dawn, you always keep going no matter what.”  Yeah, I can’t use the excuse that I just can’t do it anymore, because I always do keep doing it, even when I don’t want to.  Giving up and giving in just aren’t in my nature, although sometimes they seem like attractive alternatives – thus the drinking, it’s a way to drop out, if only for 12 hours or so.

I try to be ready for anything, I’m a big believer in the Boy Scout credo, “Always be prepared.”  There should be a sub-credo to that, “Always be prepared to be unprepared.”  What do you do when the thing you thought would never happen, happens?  What can you think about the unthinkable?  I never, ever, believed that I would remain unemployed this long.  I have never had trouble finding work, and yet, I am living the unthinkable, the unbelievable, at least as far as my universal view is concerned.  

So what do I do?  Sure, I cry, and drink too much, and worry, but then I suck it up and move on.  I’m meeting with my real estate agent on Monday, applying for jobs in both Wisconsin and Michigan, and hoping like hell that something, anywhere, works out.  I run on anyway (don’t I baby?).