What is There to Say?

I hit a point, several years ago, where, for no truly apparent reason, I decided that all of my writing was shit.  What did I have to say to anyone that hadn’t already been said?  What experience could I share that hadn’t already been documented?  I was proud of my road trip tale…but didn’t Kerouac do it better?  Aside from that, what did I have that was new, different, life changing for someone to read?

Self-doubt sucks.  But I write, I have always written, and so I kept on, for my own edification.  Not always.  I don’t “journal” regularly, but when something disturbing, or interesting came up, I wrote.

Now, thanks to blogs, I have the opportunity to share the ephemera of my mind…whether the writing is good, bad, or indifferent.  I remember an argument that I had with an ex-lover.  He was always pushing the envelope, and I asked him, told him, wondered why he couldn’t take joy in the little things…watching a flock of birds wheeling through the sky, the camaraderie of strangers, those odd days where one wakes up thrilled to be alive.

He told me he was looking for a life-changing sign, something that would blow our “normal” lives out of the water.  This was right before 2000, and I must admit, I wouldn’t have minded if the status quo had gone to shit.

I would still like the status quo to wither and die, but I believe in taking joy in the little things: a flock of birds, a dog romping, any unexpected glimpse of beauty.  I still don’t know if I have anything to say to anyone; some days I question my own sanity.  But then, I think, isn’t that our job?  

If we didn’t question the reality that we live in, well, we’d have nothing to hold over those flocks of birds and romping dogs…we’d just be critters.  So I write, and question, and think…and I hope that you do too.

Top 5 in Both Directions

I must admit, I’d forgotten how exhausting having a puppy could be.  And adopting an “older” puppy means that they’ve gotten away with shit that you would never let them do.  So now the training begins…

Top 5 Reasons Why Harley is Fabulous:

1. He’s young enough that I can change his name.


2. He came running when I opened a beer on the back stoop.


3. He did a test lick of a martini, and went back for thirds…


4. He will obey in exchange for an ice cube; especially one that has spent time in a martini shaker (thanks to Buck for the suggestion!)


5. He’s big, and burly, and wiggly, and handsome.

Top 5 Reasons Why Harley is Not Fabulous:

1. He nips when he gets really hyper.


2. He nips when he gets really hyper – and he weighs 56 lbs., stands 23 inches at the shoulder, has a really big mouth, and goes for my ankles, my hands, and any body part in between.


3. He’s more afraid of small dogs than big ‘uns.


4. He gets jumpy for no apparent reason.


5. He has driven my cat to living upstairs.